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When I do indulge in pangs of regret,
it’s not for my heart
or for yours
but for a well-written story
that wouldn’t have the ending
I thought it deserved.
It’s no longer you that I’ve lost
but the verses that will never be written
about a love that once inspired
so much devotion to expression,
so much power in the hands of one muse.

For we loved more with our words
than with our bodies,

how we crossed over from nights to mornings
with lyrical movements
across the virgin white of the screen
spilling imagery that carried our mingled scents
and ran its fingers along the creases
of the yet to be imagined

how we chose as our meeting places
private symbolisms on the other side of the page:
the poised kiss, the autumn leaf, the caps lock

how we made of commonplace romance
complex allegories of freedom
layered in self-discovery
and nakedly rolling in ink and sawdust,
ego and beautiful lies and raw emotion
that sometimes stung,
sometimes burned exquisite scars on our skin

how we redefined our inner storms
with the thrill of tainted revelations
that were more rhyme than reason

how the darkness wept haikus while we slept
on fatal shards of bitter fights
and fragments of immortal sonnets awakened
to the shivering of broken pride
and found pieces of their lost soul
in the restless space between
our opposite stillness
anticipating the surrender of the first touch

how stanzas of light flowed
from the hiding of hurts
the unraveling of lies
the seeping into stagnancy
of a future once jealously harbored
like fugitive bliss
becoming taboo
crawling under the many goodbyes
we seemed to never tire of saying
and taking back.

I’ve come so far but every time I look back
the road is still paved with sentences
you and I would never say again.

I believed in us so much,
not because we might be right for each other
but for the possibility
that the poetry of our wrongness
might somehow architect a transcendence
and more—a redemption.

I forgot that some of those words were only mine,

not yours.

“Under the Light” by photographer Eva Varveropoulou


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