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It will take a thousand decisions
consciously made,
a thousand copies of
the same answer to
the same question phrased
a little bit different every time,
to stand up and stage
a true resistance to
a great big fear that divides
itself into a thousand
pieces in order to
surround us and
wear us out,
one day at a time.

See I’ve made up my mind
to be with you
but sometimes faith
demands more than one leap

and the free fall is not
what poses the greatest danger
to our survival
but the wait

and the mocking faces of
doubt that press against
the windowpane from
the outside, looking in
at the incomplete peace of
the nights we spend apart
and their incomplete warmth,
the cold that we’d learned
to barricade our hearts with
through past hurts
beginning, again, to
deposit in the crevices of
our souls, slowly
creating comfort in stasis,
putting the fight in us
to sleep.

Doubt is an adversary that
does not play fair, and our
greatest chance for defense
is honesty,

so I look you in the eye and
tell it to your face
that I’m afraid,
afraid of forever and
afraid of change,
afraid that I am too small
and limited and have to
apportion my courage among
the many days that lie
between my solitude and you,
careful not to spend it all
in one go, lest I be
left with nothing to
face the battle tomorrow.

If you listened closely,
the brave voice that
shouted from the rooftops
for everyone to hear had
slightly wavered, and
I have to fill in the gaps
with the one million
yeses that I whisper to

I’ve chosen you for a lifetime
and I choose you everyday.

“Couple Walking at Alley in Night Lights”
by photographers Vladimir Nikulin and Vera Simone


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