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And if there has to be a death, God
please let it be quick
the things about my soul
the color of the lens before my eyes
the song that my faith walks to
the premises of my dreams
and my love,
my precious love
for which I forsook everything
and sacrificed everything
that I protected at all costs
the most beautiful parts of me
if You’re that intent, o God
in your plan that
they must not survive
let the end come now, please
while my spirit is taking respite
from its innate defiance
I never gave in to the world, God
You saw me
I never let up for them, but
I willingly surrender them to You
everything I’ve held important
all my life,
if they first have to be taken
as a requirement for there
to be a rebirth, for me
to be reborn, then
take them now, when my
misguided strength has
slipped, and my heart
is too broken to hold on,
do it now, if You will do it at all
if it’s the only way that’s left
for You to replace the things
I’ve wanted for as long as
I can remember,
if Your design is to perfect me
and who I am now
stands in the way,
get me out of my own way
if my steadfastness has evolved
into rebellion, quash it now
and strike me to the ground
but please,
get it over with
because it’s hurting too much now
I don’t think I can last
that much longer subdued
by this lingering pain
it’s killing me
and if this death is Yours,
hold my hand
just so I know
this series of losses
is preparation, not abandonment
show me Your hand,
that I could be assured
that the only reason why
it has to fall apart
is because I’m about to be
made whole,
that I’ve been resisting it,
and it’s only for my own good
if I can believe it
until it’s done hurting
until the veil lifts
I’ll stop fighting Your will
long enough for You
to put Your wisdom
on me.

untitled photo from the image bookmarking site, WeHeartIt