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You are the strong man
man of character
the brave soul
resolute with light
fortified in convictions
that I always wanted

the more I talk to you
the more memories
I run into
from way back in my past,
the time when I was
trying to build my faith
from scratch
a painful process
but imperative
something I required of
myself, so I could say
I saw all my choices
before I decided

that was long ago
but many questions were
left unanswered
that I’ve forgotten
I’m not proud of that
but what felt like
a pointless wait
took its toll and I
was entrenched in other
things of consequence
or so I thought

but every time I loved
afterward
every time I looked at a man
I was looking for that
that clarity
that understanding
that promise of answers
or active search for answers
that unrelenting
that unwillingness to
let go of something
important, more important
than anything

and now I realize
I caused myself so much pain
by ignoring the signs and
trying to consort with
ones much weaker than
what I truly desired
men of timid faith
hearts most common
sleepwalking through life
their dogmas floating
belly-up in the stream
unable to break free from
all that weighs them down
unable to seize direction

they were unable
to carry me

not with that wobbly truth
not with that deception
not without the stalwart
uncompromising indomitable
will and spirit I found
nowhere else but in you
.

muscles
.
“Muscular Back” by Manji Designs
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