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The last time I wanted this
God, do You remember?
I was so volatile
and precarious
it must have been
a bit of work
to look after me
I would clasp my hands
in prayer
shed my tears
in a smoky, sweaty dance floor
or over nine shots of tequila
or in the bed of a sleeping,
naked man
I was so lost
I was trying to destroy myself
but wouldn’t admit it

I didn’t succeed

but You were there
You didn’t forsake me
nor let me be lonely alone

It’s the second time around
only You know
what You have in store for me
but I will pray to You now
among Roces Street acacia trees
and Serendra fountains
and during sunrise while on the MRT
and midnights on the Ayala Sky Walk
and God, let me find peace,
please
no matter where I am
that I might find solace
in the thought
that Your plans for me
are always better than my dreams.
.

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